wild rush

yup, it's definitely over. my conjuration of non-existent international principles of law and analytical frameworks thereof have finally come to a close. my thesis has been submitted. the power to decide my future in the panel defense has left my unwilling hands.

it has been a week of voluntary seclusion, all focused on doing something for the purpose of seizing this last year in the law school with a bang. it was an isolation of seeing nothing and no one but the bare essence of my dorm room. and it has come to an end.

yes, it is done. the work is finished.

and it is nothing short of a wild rush.

best laid plans

all is well and wisely put. for years, i have held this as a religious mantra. everything has its own rhyme and reason for existing. everything is a massive accumulation of dots painting an awesome picture about our lives. most of the time, it is difficult if not outright impossible to make sense of that which occurs around us, but sometimes, in the very few instances like now, it all assumes undeniable clarity.

today, i realized that my thesis deadline is on saturday and that there is no way i can accomplish everything that needs be done had there been classes these past two days. the amount of materials left unread vis-a-vis the number of pages left to fill is enough to harbor despair upon my mortal mind.

but lo and behold, just as i thought all hope is lost, something good manifests itself to me. the fact that i love the rain and that it is the rain which caused my classes to be suspended are enough for me to see a plan laid out before me. the rain bought me two extra days of thesis writing. and the fact that it occured on the week when i needed it the most makes me believe how wise he is that laid out that plan.

and there is no doubt about it.

rainy days and sundays

i went to church today. after a long long time, i finally found my way back to the comforting sanctuary of hearing mass. i suppose it's the rain that guided me. the resounding echo of the wind which carried a strong outpour has led me to the one place that i need to be on sundays, the church. hearing God's Words spoken to me earlier today in the backdrop of the blessing of the rain made my heart leap and my eyes water as i assimilate, in the most gracious disposition, what message there is for me this week. i was like a lost pony that found it's way back to the stable just in time. the feeling of being home gave me comfort. it gave me strength. it renewed the will to daringly face the harshness of my world knowing fully well that i'll be okay.

and then i remembered how i got this far in my life. i remembered that whenever i felt down and out, it was to Him that i turned to (aside from my family and friends of course). it was His advise that i sought. of course, it hasn't always been easy capturing His voice, but as my experience has it, it always comes. i wonder if people around the world know of this. i wonder if those people i know who are undergoing pain, depression and solitude today remember this one single formula for getting through hard times in life.

i sure hope they do. especially now, when He has been repeatedly giving us signs for us to remember Him, signs like the glorious downpour of rain on the blessed day of sundays.

as i walked back home from the church, holding my umbrella on the one hand and my heavily soaked maong pants on other, i felt nothing but bliss as the rain washed away my worries for the week to come.

chattin

chatting in one of the local chatrooms in mirc, i was taken aback by a question propounded by one of the people i was chatting with. what is the essence of chatting? ordinarily, i'd have answered it right there and then without a second's hesitation. however, hearing it from someone in a local chatroom where clandestine and nocturnal activities are usually the most viable form of conversation made me pause and think. what brought about this relatively profound question amidst the sea of worldly advertisements?

few minutes later and then i found out. sadness can be an all consuming threat that people more often drown in its complicity and lose sight of everything that's good happening around them. this chatter is exactly in that position. the person was sad.

which again made me think. why would this person air out grievances to someone like me who is a total stranger? why would i say the most intimate part of my recent life to just anyone who for all i know could be a maniac on the loose?

well, i suppose anonimity is a factor, like confession before a priest that you cannot see. but mostly, from what i gather in our conversation, it's just that this chatter doesn't have so many friends to talk with. which made me sad for the person. and made me appreciate my friends more.

in my opinion, friends are some of the most important commodity that a person can ever bargain for. i cannot imagine going through a phase of my life just like the phase of the life of the person i was chatting with without a sturdy support group of my closest friends around me. aside from my family, these friends are the pillars of my life which enable me to stand tall and impressive before the harsh world. these are the people that need no explanation for the fuck ups that i undertake and just take the reigns to make me stop. they don't need me to articulate what my problems are, all i need to do is cry for help and they're there. they know who they are, and i thank them for that.

thinking about this then, i reached out to this chatter pouring all emotions on me and i decided to be a friend, even just for the hour i was in the chatroom. after all, the essence of chatting is connecting with people. and by logging in, i intended to do just that, relate to people by, well, at the very least, chatting.

annoying

SO SO ANNOYING. ARGH.

searching for words

this is one of those days when i am at a loss. no words come out from within to give some semblance of justification for what have been dropped on us all, seniors, like a bombshell. there is no thesis pull out, at least, not in a guaranteed way. once again, our batch seemed to have been the repository of everything novel such that well placed curves and patterns, especially in garnering high grades, are adamantly broken. here it is again, there is no pull out. after days of assurance, it has slipped out on us once more.

how do we go on? and where do we go? no visible path to easy salvation looms beyond the horizon.

and that left me, searching for words.

the last night

at long last, i'm in the final stages of conjuring a document which purports to be my thesis. thank goodness. now i can actually start writing one.